Wonder Woman

I’m a wonder woman. Let me show you how a wonder woman looks like.

“Hold it. Better not.”

 

Actually I bought a beautiful and sexy “wonder woman” suit. When I showed it to my husband, Tony and my club president, Ivan, they liked it. Especially Ivan, he was crazy about it. I wondered he was crazy for me, or for that suit. 

They both strongly advised me not to wear it. They were afraid that some men in our club would not be able to take it.

By the way, that sexy suit is kept with Ivan now. He loved it so much. I wondered why.

So, what is a wonder woman? A wonder woman is a woman wondering around, doing nothing.

Today, I’m sharing with you the TWO wonderful things happening in my wondering life.

First – my wonderful magic stone

When I was taking my driving test, my grandmother advised me to pick the first stone I saw on the floor, and put it in my pocket for good luck. My grandmother didn’t have a driving license. I wonder how she knew it.

On that day, when I stepped out of my house heading for the driving center… AHLAMA, the first stone I saw was so big, so rough and so ugly. I couldn’t even put it into my pocket. I had no choice, but to put it into a plastic bag and carried it with me.

When I was ready to take the test, I put the stone on my lap. The driving test instructor sitting next to me was looking very nervous. More nervous than I was. I wondered why.

There were many mistakes I made during the test. But, I passed with no point deducted.

It must be this wonderful magic stone! And … I kept it with me.

On my wedding day, I carried it in a plastic bag with me to my new home. When Tony saw it, his face turned pale. I wondered why. From that day onward, he becomes a very obedient husband. And I become a happy wonder woman.

Second – the wonderful tips of making baby

Let me go to the second wonderful thing – that is the wonderful tips of making baby.

When I became a Toastmaster, I fell in love with a silly looking, stupid face, and skinny Toastmaster. Oops, I think that was too harsh. Let me rephrase it, ‘I fell in love with a sweet looking, smooth face, and stunning Toastmaster. I wondered why I liked him. I wondered why he proposed to me. And, I wondered why I married to him.

Anyhow, whatever was done couldn’t be undone. Mistakes that I’ve made couldn’t be reversed. So, I decided to bear a baby for him. After many months of trying, still no luck. I had even tried the magic stone, but it couldn’t help.

A new member of our club shared with me a tip of making baby. Let’s not mention name… sensitive. Let’ just call him IVAN. He told me that to make a baby successfully, the temperature must be right – the temperature must be at higher than 37 deg. C. He didn’t even have a girl friend. I wondered how he knew it.

Without asking further, I quickly bought a thermometer. And, I used the thermometer everyday – to measure Tony’s temperature. I wondered why his temperature was always range 36.9 to 37 deg. C. after a few months of waiting, one day; his temperature was reading 39 deg. C.

Yes! I quickly prepared myself coupled with perfume, candlelight and music.

And I said to him, “Sexy.” That is Tony’s name. “This is the right time. Let’s do it.”

Tony looked at me from top to bottom, and he said, “No. This is not the right time. You’re hot, but I’m feeling cold.”

Without further explanation, he rushed into the other bedroom and he locked himself up. I wondered why.

I looked into the mirror, wondering. I looked at myself, thinking. And I asked myself, “Ok what. Why is he rejecting me?”

Three days later, he came out from the bedroom. He told me that was the SARS period that he had to quarantine himself.

Until today, I’m still waiting for his temperature to be right.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Although there are so many things I’m still wondering why and I’ve no answer to them, I’m still a happy person.

You don’t need to know everything to be a happy person. If you want to see wonderful things happening in your life, be like me – a wonder woman.

Note: Speech contributed by Rena Teow who participated in the TI Humorous Speech Contest 2003. For best effect, the speech should be delivered with an innocent look and a spouse who is a “sweet looking, smooth face and stunning Toastmaster”.

 

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