Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, I used to be very very shy. When a handsome guy talks to me, I will blush; my heart beat increases, and I will become very slow in response. This has brought me an extraordinary experience.
10 years ago, the most handsome boy in my secondary school said to me, “Yun Ling, you are so cute, would you like to go out with me?” My eyes grew bigger, my heart beats faster, and my mouth was wide-opened for 1 hour. He could not wait any longer and thought I turned him down. After that, there was a rumour in the school, YunLing is a lesbian. I was deeply hurt that time and I told myself that I will never talk to a handsome guy again.
Later, I moved on to Pre-Unviersity, thinking that the lesbian rumour will not follow me any longer. Therefore, I happily advertised myself as a SARS, which means single and really sweet. This worked. A lot of guys queue up just to bring me out. As I was still a bit phobia of handsome guys, I rejected them. Until one day, a guy who has Tom cruise eyes, Keauno Reeve face, Arnold’s body, approached me. My face blushed, my heart beat faster, my eyes grew bigger, and my mouth was wide-opened for 1 min. Heh, I improved liaoz ….. I reply immediately, YES YES YES, I want to be your girl friend. After that, we were publicly announced as couples. For the following 3 months, he never bought me gifts, not even tupper ware. He never invited me for movie, not even Phua Chu Kang. He never brought me out for dinner, not even “chao kuey teow”. I found that it was a bit abnormal. Thus, in order to make him jealous, I told him that there were still some more guys after me. He replied, “oh really? There are also a lot of guys after me too. I’m a gay.” He continued, “I know you are a lesbian, the purpose for you to get a boy friend is to hide your true identity. Right? I think this is a brilliant idea, thus, I also want to be with you so that I can hide my true identity.”
I was devastated. I swear to myself that, I will never never get a handsome boy friend anymore.
Time passes, I have remained as a SARS for many years. You know, people taste changes when grow older. Me too. As I have been avoiding handsome guys all these while, my tastes changed. All my friends said that I have weird taste now. Perhaps they are right.
Last year, my friend introduced me to attend Tampines Regional Library Toastmaster club meeting. When I first saw Tony delivering his speech, my face blushed, my heart beat faster, my eyes grew bigger, and my mouth was wide-opened for 1 sec only. Heh, I have improved tremendously over the years. I turned to Ivan who was just standing beside me and said, “ Heh, Tony is so handsome.” Ivan gave me a unbelievable look and replied,” are you sure? Can not be lah. ….. Seow Mei told me that I’m the most handsome guy in our club.”
I examined Ivan for a while, and then said, “hm…. Perhaps, Seow Mei eyes got stamp lah…” Ivan was so angry that, he shouted at me, “Your eyes are full of stamps….” Wow, I know I’m not alone, because there is one more lady here whose eyes are full of stamps. That is, Rena.
Note: Contest speech contributed by Teh Yun Ling who shared her intimate story in the TRL TMC’s Humorous Speech Contest 2003. She won the 2nd runner-up in the contest.